I took a step away from social media for a little while to take the time to say goodbye to my maternal grandmother who left our dimension 2 weeks ago today, and a big void… A time to allow reflection… reconnection… understanding… letting go…
I rarely open up here on these things that belong to the close circle of the family, but today I needed to send my grandmother a message… having the feeling it will reach her wherever she is… But above all I wanted to CELEBRATE her.
It took me all this time to connect the dots… I always thought I became an artist “only” because of an absent father… which THANKFULLY has been the source of a lot of creative work, like my first single… my first scripts… and I’m not done with it, lol! But I came to realize that my grandmother played a big role as well. ‘MA FELLA. That’s how we called her! She was a real actress! REAL as in REAL LIFE. Since I was a child, I’ve seen her embody a wide range of characters she carried inside… Like Moliere’s most memorable characters, the IMAGINARY INVALID among others, she all made us laugh, smile, go crazy, cry… In one word, she was FREE. FREE TO BE HERSELF. She couldn’t care less of others’ judgement. NO FILTERS. Most of us have filters and lose ourselves in a veiled version of ourselves that we are not really, because we desperately want to please, because we are scared to not be loved as we really are… so we hide and suffocate, behind our mask, our fake self, the appearance we want to give ourselves. MA FELLA WAS HERSELF, all of her selves. I cherish those memories and look up to her FREEDOM OF BEING.
Like Anthony Abeson, one of my dearest acting teachers, says: “Keep remembering of who you are, how magical it is, what you are carrying inside of you. Nothing can intimidate you when you are in touch with what’s eternal: your ancestors.” Today more than ever, I feel this special connection with you, ‘MA FELLA, I dedicate to you my best actress awards I received recently. You will eternally be my source of inspiration. And when I look up to the skies… I’ll always see you, my GrandMa’ Superstar. With all my love.
Photo: I am so grateful I could immortalize this moment where she was showing to one of her granddaughters how to make camels with modeling clay.
***Originally posted on FB on July 4th 2019
Photo © Melissa Mars
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